Over the last few months I have spent a great deal of time thinking about my life and what I would have done differently. We all make mistakes, listen to the wrong people and learn very important life lessons in the process, but are we truly honest in where we are heading or what we leave behind?
I have had to rebuild my life and business from scratch after losing my children and home to control and abuse. I have also lost friends and business contacts which mattered to me and how my social life ended up in a ditch, never to retrieved again.
My only regret is that I didn’t move sooner, mainly because of financial difficulty and control, but also really not knowing where I was heading also affected my decisions. Opportunities make us take a certain path in life, whether it is a new job or a special event that takes us out of our comfort zone.
Sometimes we have to move on for health and wellbeing – leaving behind the memories and mistakes, even though you know you can never change the past.
Starting over again with my life with very little money has not been easy. Budgeting and making ends meet with bills and shopping, when you really want to go to the cinema or take a day trip somewhere in the sunshine are completely out of the question. You have to learn to appreciate FREE activities like walks in the fresh air or a creative activity at home.
Being isolated and alone has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with, especially as I was a people person and loved to chat about music, films and work projects. Human conversation is an essential daily activity which I truly miss. Not having coffee with a friend or chatting on the phone has made me anxious and truly alone in my new life. I do not regret rebuilding my life away from toxic people, but it has made me lose my confidence even if I do miss my old life occasionally, as it taught me a great deal about the life I was previously living. Being a entrepreneur has also taught me to be strong and determined, without the help of anyone else. Being independent is a good thing, especially when I have been let down by others in the past.
Cooking meals for one and living in isolation was not my plan for the future and I still do not know how my life will end up, but in all honesty do any of us really know what the future holds? I guess we all just have to take each day as it comes and hope new opportunities come our way without the fear of abuse or control being relived.